Outside the Box

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1. Twilight Has Little to No Plot

Twilight lacks a consistently well rounded plot and what ‘plot’ it does have is poorly slopped together and covered in clichés. You could say there is a plot in there…somewhere…but there’s only one, there are barely any subplots either. And for those that do pop up, they are then quickly dropped and/or forgotten by the writer. Stephenie Meyer lacks the ability, planning, and forethought to think ahead and finish everything she starts. There are plenty of little subplots that pop up and make some of the readers go, “HMM!!!” so you hang in there, wondering how it’ll develop…and then after 400+ pages and three more books you realize…you’ve been punk’d. If that wasn’t bad enough, when she actually does have enough brain cells colliding with each other to spark an intelligent thought bubble she then has the audacity to backpedal and completely rewrite already established subplots which in turn completely contradict with previous chapters or books. CONSISTENCY WOMAN! LEARN IT!

2. Stephenie Meyer RAPES her own characters

Stephenie Meyer, the noobish writer that she is, doesn’t understand the importance of building a three dimensional character. Which, you know, is hilarious because in all her interviews and speeches she always brags about how her CHARACTERS drive the story and how they’re the most important people everz! So you would think—okay she sucks at establishing an original thought or actual plot but maybe she can really churn out some unique and strong characters (strong as in; they have a strong impact on the reader, not strong as in they can HULK SMASH TYLER’S VAN!). But no, of course, she sucks at that too. She establishes your basic cookie-cutter characters. You’ve got your Marysue (and by default Garystu), you then have your cardboard cutouts simply placed and only existing to benefit the lead character (Bella) to help answer her questions and nudge her in the right direction (a cheap copout most amateur writers take when they aren’t creative enough to drive the story themselves) not to mention all the other favorites like the evil blonde bitch, the brute, the shy quite one (ohhh still waters run deep LE GASP!), the noble family man, etc.

They all come off like they’re ordered off a menu. And then, when Meyer ACTUALLY attempts to allow her characters to evolve (if THAT’S what she calls it…) all the characters jump out of their skin and do a complete turnaround. Reading it, I honestly thought they were possessed because how she went about introducing these ‘new developments’ were so poorly done I figured something had to be controlling these people for them to be acting so out of character. The most important ones off the top of my head that completely make you go WOW WOW WOW WTF?! HOLD IT RIGHT THAR MISSEH! Happen to be Jacob who is turned into a cuddly pedophile and Rosalie who’s turned into a bitter sweet attempted baby snatcher.

3. Being Clumsy is NOT a Character Flaw

Bella is perfect, but no wait…Stephenie Meyer didn’t want her to be no Marysue! So she gave her a blaring character flaw…or at least what she intended to be a character flaw which clearly…is not. That is, being horribly clumsy. But this is NOT a flaw seeing as whenever Bella actually takes a nose dive or does something obnoxiously klutzy it’s seen as an endearing act, more so a positive trait than a blaring fault.

To make matters worse, her clumsy antics actually act as a device to give Edward even more opportunities to swoop in and act as Bella’s knight in shining—I mean *ahem*—sparkling armor. I MEAN REALLY?!?!? COME ON!

4. Twilight is Poorly Written

Many have claimed it reads like fanfiction, and the sad truth is…it does. Aside from being constantly showered with Marysue babblings you’re forced to struggle with poor writing, blatant grammatical errors, poor sentence structure, and the mother load of them all…thesaurus rape.

Twilight is 400+ pages of flowery prose regurgitated onto every page by our special little snowflake of a lead heroin; Bella. She spends the entire book reassuring us that yes, Edward is so fucking hot your eyes will bleed if you stare at his dazzling beauty for too long. She then tries to save this redundant piece of fluff by injecting your ‘villain of the week’ variety of INTENSE ACTION SUSPENSE GO! That is commonly seen in Saturday morning cartoons geared towards six year olds. All this mayhem is quickly avoided just in time for prom! How bloody convenient yay!

5. Twilight is a pile of Repetitive Fluff

There’s no denying Twilight is horribly repetitive. It’s as if Stephenie Meyer assumes all her readers have the attention span of a yippy chihuahua and that the reader has to constantly be reminded just how hot Edward is and that seems to be the only apparent reason the fans hang in there for that long. There’s no ‘plot’ development to speak of, no underlying suspense, no revelations, no character growth, nope…all we get for 3/4ths of the book is the assurance that Eddiepoo is the hottest man alive and whatever anti climactic shit the lead endures it’s all totally worth it just to live another day to gaze upon that incandescent chest and those marble smooth biceps. Oh la la.

6. Stephenie Meyer Loves To Tell, Hardly Ever Does She “Show”…

Stephenie Meyer bluntly tells us what is going on instead of just showing us, entrusting us to use our brain to figure it out for ourselves. However I don’t assume she does this because she believes the majority of her readers are too dense to interpret events and actions on their own instead I personally believe this is just one of her many amateur mistakes when ‘writing’.

She has no problem telling us Bella is smart, that Bella can do this and this, That Bella enjoys doing this and this, but NEVER does she actually show us that she does these things. Never once do we actually see Bella doing or saying something smart that isn’t ripped out of last week’s class assignment. Never once do we see her delving into a good book, we’re told these things have occurred but never once are we shown. The narrator is biased, sure Bella claims to do these things and to embody certain traits and abilities but she never once takes advantage of these attributes she so loves to brag about. Is there something in the water of Forks that turns its citizens into helpless, brainless, drones?

CONCLUSION:

Meyer can jot down a fantasy, but there’s a difference from etching down your wet dreams and actually TELLING A STORY. She lacks talent and a purpose. She has no concept of writing structure, certain story elements that accomplish certain aspects of storytelling that should be used at any given time to portray a certain feeling or event. There is no depth in her books, writing, or story. Because of this Stephen King couldn’t have said it any better, “Stephenie Meyer [just] can’t write worth a darn.”

Original Content can be found HERE: http://www.twilightsucks.com/reasons.html

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